Night of the Living Fangirls Chapter 3
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As always, the Cabin is divided into 4 areas. Upstairs, Downstairs, Basement, and Outside.
"Ugh..." Sasuke sat up, rubbing his head. "What did I miss?" he asked groggily.
"A lot," Schrodinger leaned down and got face-to-face with him.
"Huh?" Sasuke crawled backwards. "Who are you?"
"Schrodinger!" the catboy replied.
"Hm. Whatever..." Sasuke didn't care. He suddenly noticed that Kakashi was out cold on the floor next to him. "Kakashi?"
"He got pistol whipped with a freakishly huge gun..." Schrodinger shrugged.
"GREEN TEA!" Kakashi suddenly sat up.
"Kakashi? Are you alright? How do you feel?" Sasuke stared at his teacher.
Kakashi's eye(s) narrowed. "Groovy..."
"There's got to be something useful in this place..." Gaara grumbled as he checked the bedrooms.
"Nothing can help us. No one can save us. There's no use..." Itachi mused as he followed the Sand-nin around.
"You're starting to get on my nerves..." Gaara growled as he opened a closet.
The moment the doors opened, a fangirl bolted out and latched onto Gaara. "HI GAARA! I'M KARIN, AND I LUUUVVVVV YOU!" she squeeled as she tackled him to the floor.
"GET HER OFF ME, GET HER OFF ME PLEASE!" Gaara screamed, unable to push her off.
"Sorry, you're on your own..." Itachi shook his head. He casually walked out of the room and into the hallway outside. He felt no remorse as he closed the door and locked it behind him, nor did he feel remorse as the screams of Gaara echoed from inside the room.
Alucard, Ichigo, and Renji suddenly ran up the stairs into the hallway. "What's going on?" Ichigo yelled.
"A fangirl got Gaara..." Itachi shook his head sadly as the screaming finally stopped. "There was nothing I could do..."
"Better him than me..." Alucard shrugged.
"We've got to do something. There must be a way out of here..." Renji clapped his hands together in frustration.
"That's it!" Ichigo pointed at Renji.
"What's it?" Renji arched an eyebrow.
"Clapping your hands together! We can get an Author to help us!" Ichigo grinned.
"An Author?" Alucard frowned. "I don't think so. I'm sure a few of those fangirls are Authors themselves..."
"Then we'll call one who isn't a girl!" Ichigo exclaimed.
"And how do you plan to do that?" Renji frowned.
"THE SUPER SUPER-BAD MOJAMA HOTLINE!" Ichigo whipped a bright red cell phone out of his robes.
"Where'd you get that?" Renji's eyes widened in shock and confusion.
"Hat 'n Clogs gave it to me..." Ichigo said, referring to the store owner who seemed to sell everything. "He said I can call Authors with it..."
"USE IT!" Renji grabbed Ichigo and shook him violently.
"Okay, okay!" Ichigo pushed him away. "But who are we going to call?"
Dead silence followed. And then in unison they all nodded and agreed on one person. "Agent HUNK."
Meanwhile, on the edge of the clearing, several Authors had already decided to come to the aid of the Survivors. There were only a handfull of them, and they were all wearing green camo, black face paint, helmets, and night vision goggles. "ALRIGHT!" one of them stood up in front of the others. He appeared to be in charge of the rescue mission. "WHAT WE GOT HERE IS YOUR CLASSIC FANGIRL INVASION!" he yelled out, sporting your classic "Old Soldier" accent. "THERE'S ONLY ONE THING WE CAN DO... CALL IN A TACTICAL AIRSTRIKE AND NAPALM THE WHOLE AREA!"
"Who are you, again?" one of them suddenly asked.
"TK3997!" he replied stoutly. "And you?"
"Darthjag..." the other Author answered. "And that plan won't work..."
"AND WHY THE SAM HILL NOT?" TK3997 yelled.
"Because we're trying to save the survivors, not immoliate them..." Darthjag replied.
"I'm sure they won't mind sacrificing their lives for a worthy purpose..." TK3997 sniffed, saluting the bravery of their cause.
"Yeaaaaah, how 'bout we just go in and save them? Darthjag suggested.
"Where's the fun in that?" TK3997 cocked his head to the side.
"Achoo!" somebody suddenly sneezed.
TK3997 and Darthjag turned to see who'd sneezed. Standing in front of them were two people who were obviously fangirls, and they had twigs and leaves in their hair in order to fit in with the camoed Authors. "Who are you?" TK3997 asked.
"I'm Cathy..." one of them waved.
"And I'm EternallyJinxed!" the other exclaimed.
"FANGIRLS!" Darthjag held up a shotgun, but TK3997 grabbed it out of his hands.
"Nonsense! They're obviously Authors! See?" he pointed at their hair. "Camo! So they must be on our side!"
"Who made you our leader, anyway?" Darthjag shook his head.
Meanwhile, Sasuke and Schrodinger were watching in confusion as Kakashi dug through a toolbox. "What did you say you were looking for?" Sasuke arched an eyebrow.
"A chainsaw..." Kakashi replied casually. "Or a boomstick..."
"Boomstick?" Schrodinger shot Sasuke a perplexed look.
"Yes, a boomstick..." Kakashi repeated.
"What the heck is that?" Darthjag and TK3997 looked up from their battle plans. Without warning, a lime-green SUV came zooming out of the woods, nearly running over Darthjag. "SWEET GRACIOUS!" he screamed as he dove out of the way.
The SUV swerved through the clearing, mowing down several fangirls before coming to a stop in front of the cabin.
BEEP BEEP BEEEEEEP!
"What was that?" Alucard looked up. He, Itachi, Renji, and Ichigo were sitting at the table in the dining room trying to remember Agent HUNK's phone number when suddenly they heard a car horn blaring. They raced to the windows and saw an SUV parked in front of the cabin. Several people jumped out and ran towards the front door while the fangirls tried to grab them.
"Quick, get the door!" Ichigo yelled. He and Renji both jumped to their feet and ran to the front door. They threw it open, and four people barged into the room before they slammed the door shut. "Who are you guys?" Ichigo surveyed the four men standing in front of him.
"I'm Edward Elric..." answered a short guy with blonde hair, white gloves, red coat, and black shirt and pants. (Ed from Full Metal Alchemist)
"I'm Pip Bernadotte," answered a Frenchman in military garb. He had an eyepatch, a cowboy hat with a bent edge, and long red hair which was a braid. (Pip from Hellsing)
"I'm Naruto Uzamaki!" replied an orange clad blonde ninja. (Gee, I wonder where he is from...)
"And you are?" Ichigo turned to face the fourth person.
"Who am I?" the person seemed taken aback. "Why... I'm Captain Jack Sparrow!" Sure enough, it was Captain Jack Sparrow, with his pirate garb, funny hat, and eyeliner. (Pirates of the Carribean RULES!)
"Why are you here?" Ichigo arched an eyebrow. "You aren't in an anime!"
"Laddie, anime characters aren't the only ones with fans..." Jack smirked.
"Hey, didn't that crazy ninja say you died?" Renji pointed at Naruto.
"Nah!" Naruto shook his head. "The fangirls got me, but I did my Sexy Jutsu and turned into a chick. They got mad a let me go... although one of them got so mad she bit me... See?" Naruto held up a bandaged hand.
"Okaaaaay, whatever..." Renji honestly didn't care.
"Who's SUV was that?" Alucard pointed out the window at the car that was being torn apart by the now P. fangirls.
"We jacked it!" Naruto grinned.
"You stole somebody's car?" Ichigo stared at them.
"Pirate..." Jack Sparrow flashed a sly smile.
"But who's car was it?" Alucard asked.
"We dunno..." Ed shrugged. "Its not like it matters... I mean, what, is he going to come after us?"
Meanwhile, in Silent Hill, Pyramid Head was finishing up his shopping. Dressed in his usual bloody apron, large metallic pyramid helmet, and holding a 9-foot long sword in one hand and a bag of groceries in the other, he walked calmly out of the grocery store. But he dropped his bag of groceries and stared in horror once he got ouside and discovered his lime-green SUV missing. "Oh no, they did NOT steal my baby..." he growled. "SOMEBODY IS GONNA GET RAPED!" he yelled, brandishing his sword and running off in some random direction.
Rot In Peace, Gaara...
I never said the rescue mission would work, now did I?
Since Survivors don't normally survive for long, I'll be tossing in replacements every few chapters. I hope you like the new add-ins...
Pyramid Head owns. I love Silent Hill, and I just felt like giving him a cameo.
Guest Authors, I hope you like your portrayels. If I did anything wrong, let me know...
And here's the disclaimer, since I didn't want to put it at the beginning and ruin the suprises.
DISCLAIMER: I don't own Naruto, Hellsing, Bleach, FMA, Silent Hill, Pirates of the Carribean, or any other anime, game, or movie. All guest author personas are propery of their respective Authors. I OWN NOTHING, SO PLEASE DON'T SUE ME!
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